Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Everybody's number 2 question

God incarnated and self-destructed in a big way. This understandably confused the heck out of everybody and spun off a whole lot of theology and other shenanigans. Let me take a shot at explaining the behavior of my hubby/son on that one. The doctrine and shenanigans are your business. I can't do anything about that. In the words of a parody of a friend of mine, if you don't like it, then stop it.

You all are pretty familiar with the Oedipal complex by now. Think of this as a divine Oedipal with a twist. God falls in love. God marries. God sires an offspring who also happens to be him. God gets jealous of his relationship with his mom. God offs himself. God is a jealous god. Big time. This I think you already knew.

Y'all have built up a whole lot of salvific doctrine around it, and blamed yourself for "original sin", which in my opinion is a lot of hooey and kind of like blaming the victim. If you want to blame somebody, blame me. And God. We could have handled the whole thing a whole lot better. All parents make mistakes, you know? Mea culpa. I was only human.

I should have seen it coming. I saw the way God looked at me through our son's eyes. And I loved them both (not like that, pervert). But things got a little confusing for me. I mean, all moms kind of love their sons more than their husbands if truth be told (I know you guys don't want to have that confirmed but it is true), but I was married to mine in a funky and confusing kind of way called "the Trinity." And that is everybody's number one question. That is what I'm going to try to explain next time. Next time I promise I'll tackle the trinity thing.

My husband and my son were the same person and they were competing for my attention. That kind of thing never ends well.

And, for the curious, I'm going to manifest this week in red sauce at an undisclosed restaurant. No biggie and it won't last long, I promise. It is only directed at one person in particular (you know who you are). As for the rest of you, if you happen to catch my manifestation, please don't rope the place off, crush any elderly or infirm people, make it your business plan, or otherwise make a big deal about it. Thank you in advance for your cooperation.

Your friend, Mary.


BigHeathenMike said...

Please let me know if I mock the wrong person with respect to the red sauce thing. Wouldn't want to annoy the mom of the creator of the universe.

Rev. BigDumbChimp said...

So I guess I'll have to wait until next week?

I am heading to New Orleans for Jazz fest next week. That seems as good a time as any to appear. Serious think of the publicity you could get if you appeared on Professor Longhair's bust at Tipatina's during the Meters show on Sunday.

Seriously. I know the mother of god has to love some funk.

It would score you HUGE points with the "in" crowd.

Mary said...

Hey Mike,

Nobody up here minds a good mocking (with the possible exception of Joan, and between you and me, she's more than a little off kilter). I can't tell you how many times I've come home to find my Hubby giggling over a Fawlty Towers episode. He'll laugh and laugh, and then, when He regains His composure enough to talk, He'll wipe a tear from His eye and say, "I really outdid Myself with that John Cleese. He's going to be a hard one to top." So mock away. That's the way you were made, thank You-Know-Who.

And Rev., if you love jazzfest and Tip's, consider making a donation to the Tipitina's Foundation. That's the kind of thing that will earn you big points up here.

Your friend, Mary.

Rev. BigDumbChimp said...

Ahh. Nice. Will do for sure.

I'm a huge fan of NOLA and the music and this is my first trip back since...well you know when.

Mary said...

Hi Rev.,

I suspect you'll have a wonderful trip to New Orleans (particularly if I'm still up to my intercessorary snuff). Speaking of intercession, you wouldn't believe the amount of prayer that has been sent my way since that damn hurricane hit a city that may be a baptist majority these days but is still catholic at heart. Or maybe you would. Anyway, that brings me to the topic of suffering and the role of a omnipotent, non-bastard deity, which has always been a sore spot with me. After I give my take on the trinity, I hope to tackle that topic next.

Safe trip, Rev. Your friend, Mary.